Haddin is adamant the ball came off the wickets into his gloves, despite the ball clearly missing the bails, which were only dislodged because his gloves hit them on the way back from being in front of the stumps. It is obvious Haddin knew he had dislodged the bails not the ball as it is evident in his reaction. If Haddin really believes he did not hit the bails then he is visually impaired and not fit to keep wicket at international level.

For Haddin and his captain Ricky Ponting to call into question Daniel Vettori’s honesty is disgusting and cowardly. To label Vettori’s comments “poor” and “low” is hypocritical and indicative of a man with no integrity. Vettori is not the only one critical of Haddin’s actions, and was careful with his words at the post match press conference. Even the Australian commentators at the time noticed something was amiss. Most it appears believe Haddin was in the wrong and he should man up and admit it.

Australia are in decline and getting desperate. Ricky Ponting has been shown up as an average captain and the team is suffering without a few exceptional  players. Fair play and Australian cricket have never gone together, but this incident shows the team has lost the plot. If there was any integrity Cricket Australia should demand Haddin and Ponting apologise to Vettori and Broom. I doubt this will be forthcoming.

Australia’s sporting demise is enjoyable for all sports fans aroundthe world who have tired of their arogance and lack of fair play. Watching them resort to cheating and lying as they lose to all and sundry makes their decline all the more enjoyable. Long may it continue while their morals remain in the gutter.

Last Saturday our nation gathered around screens in pubs and living rooms across the country to see the Warriors fall to Manly in the NRL semifinal.

Hours earlier 100,012 fans of a different sort gathered in a stadium in Melbourne to watch a very different sport.

The ball was still oval, but then so was the field. The players wore singlets and the tiniest of shorts. The game was Aussie Rules and this was the AFL Grand Final.

The Melbourne Cricket Ground, larger than the Bird’s Nest or the new Wembley, was packed for this huge occasion on Australia’s sporting calendar.

Melbourne’s own Hawthorn Hawks were up against favourites the Geelong Cats, in an epic battle for glory.

Aussie rules is a team sport played between two groups of 18 yobbos with a ball in the shape of a prolate spheroid.

For some reason it is played on a cricket pitch, with four posts either end. Strangely enough Aussie rules appears to have … no rules.

From what we understood, the aim is to get into as many barneys as possible, while trying to kick the spheroid through one of the posts.

The centre posts are “goals” (worth six points) and the outer posts are “behinds” (worth one point) – despite being beside.

There’s no offside rule, players can roam the field freely. The ball must be bounced occasionally, there’s no throwing, only punching. Players can tackle – and touch – each other using their hands or whole body.

It seems the players aren’t the only ones playing the game. Umpires (there’s eight plus one emergency replacement) lob the ball overhead for a lineout and throw the ball at the ground occasionally.

They pull off some very Billy Bowden-esque gestures when points are scored.

We’re not sure why, but bizarre men dressed in fluoro wander aimlessly, behaving like seedy flashers.

Geelong had a fair suck of the sav, and were given more than enough chances to clean up. If a few more of their behinds had been goals they would have won, but Hawthorn pulled away in the third quarter.

The mighty Hawks took out the trophy with a whopping 115 to Geelong’s 89. On ya mate!

The Hawks, despite being from Melbourne, are sponsored by the Tasmanian state government. The win saw a party in Hobart rivalled only by celebrations after those two guys got out of the Beaconsfield mine.

The grand final had one notable omission: seagulls. The two semi-finals were plagued by the feathered creatures.

Half time gives the chance to fire up the barbie, and grill some snags.
We suspect the gull summoning ceremony, whereby breadcrumbs are thrown onto the field in celebration, was cancelled. In its place was a half-time sprint and some children showing the pros how it’s done.

The only way to really watch Aussie Rules is to get ridiculously drunk, mute the TV, and provide your own commentary.

Also, pick a player who will then be referred to as “my guy”. It’s also fun to give them individual nicknames. This makes the game much more entertaining when your friend’s players do amusing or erotic things.

Take Paul’s “guy” for example – Jason Akermanis (El Pirato), who in the semi final (Geelong vs. Western Bulldogs) appeared to have slipped a Geelong player the Hopoate-style sneaky digit while he was bent over picking himself up off the field.

Unfortunately this team didn’t make the Grand Final, so being the greedy person that he is, Paul took on a second “guy”, Chance Bateman (Andrew Symonds lookalike) who split his chin open but played on with a bandage wrapped around his head. What a legend.

Wes’ “guy” Cameron Ling looked like a ginger bear, won ‘best and fairest’ once, and was a “Rising Star” nominee in 2001, all while being named “most determined and most dedicated ‘05″. Awwww, fair dinkum.

And Angela’s pick, good ol’ Cyril Rioli (Ernie Dingo) has something to do with an aboriginal health foundation for the kids. What a neat guy.

We will definitely be watching AFL next year, it’s heaps good.

Originally published in Te Waha Nui, AUT’s student newspaper.

So league is definitely looking good in my books (sexual assault allegations and defections aside). But what the hell is with the play off system? Does anyone understand it?

Most competitions would see, for example, the top eight advance, with one playing eight, two playing seven and so on. Higher qualifiers would have home semis. The winners advance to semi finals, with the two topped ranked playing at home to the lower rank qualifiers. The final would then be played between the two winners, the victory crowned the champion. But what is the deal with the NRL’s system?

I found this explanation on the Herald website:

HOW THE FINALS WORK
* The two highest placed winners from week one proceed directly to the third week for the preliminary finals.

* The two lowest placed losers are eliminated.

* The two other winners will host the two other losers next week in sudden death semi-finals.

So let me me get this right. Please comment if I’m wrong. (Tables courtesy of the Herald)

There’s the table for ’08. The top eight go through, with one playing eight and so. Now what happened?

Qualifying finals:

So the Warriors (8) beat the Storm (1), but the Storm get a second life for being the first placed qualifier. As lowest placed losers the Raiders (6) and the Dragons (7) are out. The Roosters get a second chance for being the second highest placed loser. As highest placed winners the Sharks and Sea Eagles go through to the preliminary finals, bypassing the semis. And somehow the Warriors got a home ground semi final, I think because they won their game and the Roosters did not, as do the Broncos against the Storm.

Semi finals

Alright. So the Warriors have just thrashed the Roosters, eliminating the Sydney based side, and will advance to the preliminary finals to play the Manly Sea Eagles. The Broncos and the Storm play tonight in Brisbane, with the winner playing in the grand final against the winner of the other preliminary final. Couldn’t be simpler!

Go the Warriors!

What was impressive about the Warriors and the All Blacks was how they won. The All Blacks fell behind with the Wallabies scoring on both sides of half time and the Australians could have run away with the game. But the New Zealanders just dug deeper and had more to offer than the Australians, who lost their momentum. The Australians looked like they had no answer, despite knowing what we were going to do! It looked edgy when the Wallabies scored late, but we held on for a deserved win. Despite early hiccups in the competition, the All Blacks were easily the best and most consistent team in the Tri Nations. With so many talented players playing overseas at the moment, the future of New Zealand rugby is looking bright, especially considering some of the skilled players coming up domestically. Just wait till our Europe based players come home!

Level on points at half time, the Warriors always were in with a chance of causing the upset, but the safe money would be with the in form Storm. To use the cliche – someone obviously did not show the Warriors the script. They were staunch on defense repelling wave after wave of Storm attack, whilst at the other end, the Warriors came so close to scoring on several occasions. A drop goal with quarter of an hour to go looked like it would be enough for Melbourne to be victorious until an awesome break saw Michael Witt score in the 78 minute. First time ever that eighth place has beaten first in the NRL finals. Bring on the Roosters!

Despite what some may say, New Zealanders don’t choke on the big occasions, in these cases they knuckled down. Sure we might fall at the last hurdle sometimes, but that’s sports, you can’t win them all. But when you play with the determination and passion that both teams showed this weekend, you give yourself a good chance of coming away on top.

Handball is fastest growing Olympic sport in NZ

By Paul Harper

Although relatively unknown in New Zealand, the sport of handball is popular overseas, and is gaining popularity here because of the Olympic coverage.

Secretary General of the New Zealand Handball Federation Frank Stoltenberg says the game is certainly expanding in this country with between 200 and 400 players.

“It’s safe to say it’s New Zealand’s fastest growing Olympic sport.”

He says the Olympics have given the sport great publicity and as a result new clubs are being formed across the country.

Stoltenberg says the sport is “internationally massive” with millions of players worldwide, particularly in Scandinavian countries.

“Many people regard handball as the perfect sport because it incorporates all the skills.”

He says the game is much more widely known in non-English speaking parts of the world.

“In Germany, growing up you had two choices: soccer or handball.”

Field handball was first included in the 1936 Berlin Olympics, but the court version did not appear until the 1972 games in Munich.

Stoltenberg says you cannot just turn a basketball player into a superstar handball player.

“You need to start from an early age”

He says many young people and university students are playing the sport here, but it would be good to see even more adults playing it too.

“It’s surprising how many schools play it in PE.”

He says New Zealand’s handball team struggles to get international competition, largely because of the cost, and there are limited facilities available to play the game here.

“Our biggest hurdle is we don’t have the halls big enough for handball.”

Stoltenberg says Australia is 10 years ahead of New Zealand, but they still get heavily beaten in international competitions.

“We are far behind,” he says.

“We are not at the stage we can beat Australia yet.”

Perhaps an acquired taste, it took some watching for me to warm to handball. After seeing some of the close matches fought out in Beijing, I can appreciate the skills and the appeals of the sport. Although I am way too busy to pick up the sport and probably to unfit and to susceptible to injuries, I wouldn’t mind giving it a go sometime, and I hope it takes off in New Zealand.

The rugby looks set to be a good match. The winner will be looking good to claim the Tri Nations this year. The All Blacks were awesome against Australia in Auckland and South Africa has had some changes in their squad. Still, the Springboks were strong against the Argentineans and are always tough at home. Their idiot coach’s latest “cheating” outburst shows their may be some nerves and may serve to encourage the All Blacks. His claims are intended to detract the refs attention from the areas the All blacks may dominate the Boks and also to defer focus from the two areas the Boks’ themselves bend the rules, offsides and tackles off the ball. I think the refereeing could be important in this game, especially as the game is likely to be close. Hopefully Wayne Barnes (yes, he is still refereeing!?) can’t influence the game from the sidelines.

So what does a sports nut watch? Even without the Olympics and the Tri Nations there is also some good league and provincial rugby. Even the bloody English Premiership starts this weekend!

And for those that want to plan in their weekend in advance, as I will, I’ve nabbed this from the Herald!

SPORTWATCHER’S DIARY

TODAY
* Rugby: Bay of Plenty v North Harbour 2.30pm, SS1
* League: Warriors v Sharks 7.30pm, SS2
* Rowing: Men’s single sculls (Mahe Drysdale) final 7.50pm, women’s pair oar (Nicola Cole/Juliette Haigh) final 8.10pm, men’s pair oar (George Bridgewater/Nathan Twaddle) final 8.30pm, women’s double sculls (Caroline/Georgina Evers-Swindell) final 8.50pm, men’s double sculls (Nathan Cohen/Rob Waddell) final 9.10pm (TV One).
* Soccer: Arsenal v West Bromich Albion 11.30pm, SS2
* Rugby: Tri-Nations, South Africa v New Zealand, Newlands, Cape Town 12.50am SS1/Rugby Channel
* Athletics: Women’s shot put (Valerie Vili), qualifying 1.10pm, final 1.10am

TOMORROW
* Chelsea v Portsmouth 12.25am
* Counties Manukau v Otago, Mt Smart Stadium 7pm SS1/Rugby Channel
* Rowing: Men’s lightweight double sculls (Peter Taylor/Storm Uru) final 7.50pm (TV One)

Opening Ceremony: Couldn’t be arsed watching it. It was mainly fake anyway, wasn’t it! Yes the performance is impressive and the fireworks incredible, but the Olympics are about sports. And I can’t help but wonder if the money could be spent better, especially in China. Alright this isn’t an ethics blog, I’ll leave the bleeding heart ethics for my other blog!

New Zealand’s lack of medals: We always get so caught by our lack of podium finishes and Beijing is no exception. But we usually take our time. So calm down. Stop debating whether our athletes “don’t want it enough”, or that we don’t put enough pressure on them or whatever. They wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to win, or at least beat their personal bests. And they likely put more pressure on themselves then four million Kiwis ever could.

New Zealand highlight so far: Moss Burmeister. Despite a disappointing fourth, the New Zealand was beating the freak Michael Phelps at one point. So credit where it is due. He left everything in the pool and could not have given more. I hope Phelps doesn’t get his eight and I hoped it would be the Kiwi who would deprive him of the achievement. It wasn’t to be, but I’m proud nonetheless.

Despite the men getting smashed by Brazil and the women getting smashed by the USA, I was impressed with both the football teams performing. Both teams were unlucky not to win against Asian competition in their first games, but they should a lot of talent and passion, which was pleasing to see.

The equestrian was disappointing, but that’s sports. There is a lot of talent on our team and it is unfortunate the team could not come through for us. It only takes one fall.

Hockey has been a mixed bag, as has the rowing.

I’ll wait for after tonight before I write off New Zealand’s Beijing Olympic Games. Kia Kaha Kiwi!

Tony Woodcock had a blinder, scoring two great tries. Dan Carter was his typical genius self, kicking for territory particularly well. Mils Muiliana yet again having a sublime performance. In my opinion he has been one of our best performers all season. Our forwards completely dominated Australia’s, especially in the set pieces. Our scrum was far superior. Even our lineout was dominant!

I’ve heard many people question Ma’a Nonu’s place on the team, but I’m not sure what he has to do to silence his critics. I think he has been great this season and was brilliant last night. Perhaps his lack of a kicking game is seen as a weakness, but he frequently breaks through the opposition defense, challenging even the best midfielders. Not quite Tana Umanga, but important nonetheless. 

This year’s Tri Nations is looking to be one of the most exciting competitions in years, with each team potential victors. I think South Africa still have an edge, with the competition now moving over to the republic. Australia are going to struggle to win in South Africa, which they will need to do. The All Blacks still have to play one more a game in South Africa, and then another in Australia. Both games New Zealand are capable of winning, but only if we play with the same hunger to win as last night.

Williams has departed halfway through the season, with four years left in his AU$450,000 per year contract, from a team who despite former years of glory is instead languishing near the bottom of the table. He is showing zero loyalty, zero concern for his team, and zero compassion for his teammates. I know that it is dubious to keep placing sports stars on a pedestal as role models, but Sonny Bill is just that, as the young player has a huge following both in New Zealand and Australia. His conduct sets a shocking example for young fans and aspiring players. In his actions, Williams has epitomised the arrogant self-centred nature of the modern professional sports star. Legally, he has broken his contract, and will no doubt face the consequences as his actions, as the NRL eyes either arrest, or the seizure of assets.

Laurie Daly told TV3′s John Campbell that he believed Williams would become the greatest New Zealand league player ever, but with his departure the sport has undoubtedly lost a future great. League’s loss is potentially union’s, and perhaps even the All Black’s, gain. For him to play in an All Black jersey he is going to have to clean up his act, as the All Black management have proven in the past to not tolerate any bullshit. Once the dust settles on his latest controversy, many of us will no doubt eagerly follow his performances in his new chosen code. Right now the All Blacks can do with all the help they can get.

As the Herald says, fans are going to be wondering if they let the wrong coach go, as the All Blacks game plan last night was at time ridiculous. We spent a lot of time in our own territory, trying to run the ball out of our own 22, instead of kicking for position. When we did kick, all too often the ball was fired aimlessly back into one the Wallabies backs arms, who then ran it back with interest. McCaw’s absence was telling, with the Wallabies completely dominant around the rucks. On many occasions I found myself screaming at the TV for  the All Blacks to come to the aid of the tackled player but to no avail, because the Aussies were there far quicker with far more numbers.

I think both teams tackled poorly, but the All Blacks especially so, missing many simple tackles. In fact, I would even say that every one of the Australian’s tries should not have been scored, for decent tackles would have stopped them in their tracks. I still maintain there is nothing exceptional about most of the Australian backs, they are just solid players who run good lines. On our side the likes of Muliana, Sitivatu and Carter played better games then their lads, but we lost the ball on too many occasions to put the necessary points on the board. Australia did the basics well, and it showed in the end, whilst the All Black’s razzle dazzle was all for nothing as we couldn’t keep the ball from spilling from our hands.

Although New Zealand really dropped away at the end and Australia were able to score some fairly soft points, the All Blacks were robbed not to be awarded a penalty try. It was clear for all to see that Sitivatu was going to score, had he not been tackled without the ball by a desperate Wallaby player. Considering how blatantly obvious the professional foul was, the ref and his assistants, completely missed it, awarding an Australian 22-dropout. It is a joke that such a penalty can be missed, and really proves the claims that the All Blacks are given preferential treatment by the refs is bullshit.

I think Deans is lying when he says coaching the Wallabies against the All Blacks is not emotional. This is a man who has worn the black jersey, grown up in a culture that idolises the All Blacks and mourns their losses. I think that will a hard thing for him to shake off. He may be celebrating his teams victory, and he will be professional, but I reckon part of him aches when he sees a dejected All Black post defeat. Next week in Auckland, with Ritchie McCaw back, hopefully it will our fists raised high and their heads dropped post match.